If you’re here because you read my ‘Modern Love’ essay in The New York Times, welcome! That essay tells the story of loving my husband through severe depression and electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). It captures a specific moment in time—a surreal visit to the Apple store, a locked psych ward, fear, devotion—but writing it did something larger for me. It helped me see patterns I’ve been … Continue reading Hello, and Welcome, ‘Modern Love’ Readers
Burnout is a bomb with a very long fuse. In my case, the fuse was lit almost two years ago, in October of 2023, when my husband, Jonathan, went to the hospital with what he thought might be a heart attack but instead was a life-threatening pulmonary embolism. He was treated in the ICU, blood thinners and fluids flowing into him, oxygen hissing into his … Continue reading Medicine Dog
If you pay attention to such things, you’ll note it has been quite a long time since I wrote here. Blame it on the booze, got you feeling loose. Blame it on ‘tron, got you in the zone. Blame it on the P P P P P P Prozac. No seriously, blame it on the Prozac. I hardly drink anymore and I don’t know what ‘tron … Continue reading A Short List of Things That Did Not Kill Me And Therefore Made Me Stronger, I Guess. (No Definitely. Definitely Stronger.)
Like any Gen-X girl who donned an ankle bracelet and twirled around at a Grateful Dead show during the summer of Touch of Grey, I have enjoyed my fair share of recreational drugs. It was never all that big a deal for me — I preferred the comforts of plain cigarettes and Diet Coke to the highs of more potent product. But drugs were a … Continue reading All These Quiet Days
About two years ago I performed at The Jukebox, a storytelling/karaoke series run by my good friends Steve Jacobs, Margaret Lyons, and Steve Heisler. The topic of the evening was parenthood, and while the story I told isn’t the kind of thing Hallmark cards are made of, it is a love letter to my daughter, and so I thought I’d share it today. Happy Mother’s Day, … Continue reading Unexpectedly Expecting
Look, I’m going to tell you a story about tampons, all right? I got my period today — hooray! And I mean that genuinely. I have always been glad to see my period. Back in my youth because it meant I wasn’t pregnant, and more recently because it means I am not in menopause. Circle of life! And so it was with the satisfaction of a job … Continue reading Where’s Waldo?
For years, I have been talking about writing a book. Talking about it and thinking about it, and wondering if I could, and what it should be about, and if anyone would read it, and if people would be mad at me if I did. I’ve made several starts at this, taking classes and trying to publish stories, blogging (very) occasionally, reading out now and … Continue reading Books & Letters
People want to talk to me about the TV show Smash all the time. Without preamble, they’ll excitedly tell me they saw one of the actors in the park, or confess they lurked while a scene was being shot on their street, or start singing one of the songs at me. It’s a fair assumption to make, that I know and love this show, given … Continue reading Why I Think Smash Is A Tragedy
I am constantly telling people they need to read “The Gift of Fear.” I am a freaking one woman Gavin De Becker parade, to the point where I have to re-buy it several times a year because I keep giving it away. Until now, my de Becker immersion has been mostly theoretical, which is how you want it. But it all got real this afternoon, when some totally … Continue reading So This Happened
I don’t have a nickname (unless you count “Stef,” which I do not). I’ve been trying to make “Scully” happen for years now. Alas, just like “fetch,” it’s not going to happen. But when I was very small, I was my father’s Sweet Petunia. And it suited me then, all chubby cheeks and giggles. I’m pretty open about the fact that my relationship with him … Continue reading A Petunia By Any Other Name
Working Without a Net 